My own personal blog is titled From Trippin' To Triathlons. How does a person get from that point of trippin' to triathlons, without grace? It's a simple answer they can not. The end result of your trippin' may not be a triathlon, but you get my point how does anyone move from that place of trippin' without grace? According to an online dictionary the definition of grace is:
In Western Christian theology, grace has been defined, not as a created substance of any kind, but as "the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it", "the condescension or benevolence shown by God toward the human race".
I can not remove the grace of God that radiates through my story of From Trippin' To Triathlons, nor will I try to, and I will explain the Christian grace that flows through my life in a moment. However, tonight, as you read this, I want you to fully understand something, yes there is grace from God, but there is also grace from your family, there is grace from your friends, there is grace from those you have wronged, there is a grace from those that you will share your story of this journey with down the line, but tonight if you hear (errr I mean read) nothing else I have to say I want you to capture this you can not accept the grace from any other entity until you have grace for yourself. Look at that definition I posted above. Even taking God out of the definition you MUST have love and mercy for yourself not because you have done anything to earn it, because we should desire to have grace on ourselves. Trust me on this, I know it's not easy! It's not easy for anyone, but it's not easy for those of us that have walked a dark and dangerous and unethical path of trippin'. Let's be real, until this week, I fully believed that I deserved that life. I deserved to feel like I was a messed up ball of junk that should not be afforded grace of any kind, I didn't deserve it.
Following a rather challenging couple of weeks, I decided I needed to visit my psychologist, last Monday. If you have read any of my blogs you know how I feel about this. Psychologist means messed up and until this appoint I had not voluntarily gone! However, I was not and am not messed up, it was similar to watching the odometer on my suburban and knowing that unless I want all hell to break loose, from a lack of routine maintenance, I had better take it into the shop for a tune up. I have more a friend relationship with my psychologist, than dr patient, we have been through a lot together, he gets me, I get him and I know when I need a tune up epic proportions he is my go to mechanic. I emailed Dr. Mike and said I'm coming in! After the usual few minutes of banter, politics, and me assuring him I am sober, and threatening to drop my shorts and take a pee test right there in his office if he asked me "Really?" one more time we got down to business. I shared with him all the amazing things going on in my life. My marriage, my kids, my farm, the I fact was training for an Ironman, I actually have friends and am letting people into my life, etc. I think in some way I was trying to sugar coat my visit. Then we start to talk, really talk, he asked me what are you so afraid of. I start off giving him the basic generic answers (I wrote a blog on that fear lately I'll spare you the details again) and he looked at me and said you're most afraid of letting other people get to know the real you, but more than that you feel like you don't deserve any of the good in your life. You still feel like that strung out ,going off the deep end, ball of problems person that sat in that chair 5 years ago. He grabbed my several inches thick file and said to me you aren't. You haven't even been in my office since March 2014 and I used to have to see you on court order twice a week for several months. The following sentence struck me, "Ryan, when will you forgive yourself? When will you believe that it's okay to have good in your life?"
I am 38 years old and for the 1st time ever I realized I need to give myself grace. Not because I deserve it, I made some pretty crappy decisions in my life. But, I need to give myself grace because until I can love myself have mercy on myself there is no way I can move forward, there is no way that trippin' won't have power over me. I may not snort cocaine anymore, I may not shoot up heroin, I may not swallow pills by the fist full, but until I can ascertain grace on myself the notion of trippin' still has power over me. Believe that tonight! Don't excuse the choices you made, don't deny you did some pretty messed up things, but providing yourself grace means that all those mistakes have an ultimate purpose instead of only bringing shame to your life. When you can let personal grace shine through all the cracks that a broken life produces you can then allow yourself to receive the grace from family, friends, those you have wronged, strangers you will share your story with, and in my case our Heavenly Father.
If you were to know me in real life, not only as a blogger that cranks stuff out to you a few times a week, you would know I have not always been real big on people. The reason I have not been real big on people is because I have not been real big on me. I wasn't willing to show myself grace I wasn't willing to like myself, I still saw myself as a product of many past mistakes. Yet, tonight as I type this and I reflect on all the people, that saw something in me, that was worthy of their grace, when I absolutely didn't deserve it I am in awe. If people I have hurt deeply, if people I have told off (often more than once) if people I have shunned, shut out, and pushed away stood by me and not once held past mistakes over my head, if these people found me worthy of love and mercy when I absolutely didn't deserve it, grace, then why shouldn't I afford myself the same.
I can not write about my journey From Trippin' To Triathlons without writing about the grace that comes from our Heavenly Father, believe me I tried. Oh don't get me wrong, there wasn't any magical heavenly dust tossed my way that made my struggle any less, any easier, and that didn't mean I had to put in the sweat, tears, grit, and down right hard work. However, it was by His grace that I was able to do that. This morning I received a text, rather early in the day, from Stacy saying she wasn't going to be in church. The thought really didn't even cross my mind not to go, I wanted to be there. The 2nd hour was about sacrifice, no not like 1st born child or animals on my farm sacrifice, but as people what do we sacrifice in our lives. See the paragraph above where I didn't think I deserved grace, I didn't think I was worthy to talk in church, so I kind of have sat back and soaked it all in. However, today, I had to break my vow of silence I had to speak, it was a small group and part of the lesson! As my turn to cut the paper and talk about what I had sacrificed was nearing, I had several things come to mind. I have lost several friendships as a result of me joining this church, but no that isn't really sacrifice. I have mostly stopped drinking coffee and tea (read that as mostly) but not that isn't sacrifice. I easily thought of the ladies that have walked this journey with me and I could tell you all they sacrificed to get me to this point, and that is only with me, these are amazing ladies that sacrifice all the time. Then it happened the lady next to me handed me the scissors and the paper and all eyes were on me. Vow of silence was about to be broken! Pride I had sacrificed my pride. I had to get open and vulnerable to learn and grow. However, in that moment little did I know that my thought of what I had sacrificed that laying down my pride, over the course of the last several months, would lead into an aha moment that I have been waiting for, longing for.
Relief Society, the last hour of my church, has been crazy hard the last few weeks. I swear if they talked about family one more time I was going to either implode or explode. However, as the lesson opened and the ladies began to speak about grace I fully realized the grace I had been given. I am not perfect, yet I am not expected to be, grace is what bridges that imperfection. The grace that our Heavenly Father afforded me is a grace that I can never fully wrap my head around, and one that truly humbles me out, one that doesn't leave room for egotistical pride. I walked out the door at 16 yet I continued to hold down a job, play sports, and graduated from high school receiving a full ride academic scholarship to college. It was through His grace this happened. My grandma was my world, I could write a book about her, not only a blog. However, my freshman year of college she was diagnosed with cancer. My world was rocked, my foundation was cracked, I was so angry lost hurt sad confused. I went to each appointment with her, I traveled the 4 hour round trip to spend only hours with her a couple of times a week, until she died. Yet I still held down 2 jobs and graduated from college, it was through God's grace I was able to do this. But, more than His grace through my growing up, more than His grace through the cracks in my foundation was the grace that He has shown me, my marriage, and my children.
There is absolutely no reason I am still married, except through the grace that my husband showed me and the grace that God put on our marriage. There is no reason that my kids are as amazing as they are. If you were to meet my babies you would never know that their momma spent 3 years trippin' that their momma was in and out of lock up, I have some of the most well rounded adjusted healthy kids you will ever meet. The grace of our Heavenly Father was so inner twined around my family I can't even begin to explain it. I am not so naïve to think that my actions did not impact them, because I know it did, however my actions did not knock them down! Why am I still alive, sitting here sharing my story with you all on a weekly basis? I should have been dead, there is no reason I survived, but by the grace of God. I liked drugs, especially cocaine, I liked them a lot, I was good at trippin'. It was through His grace that I not only walked away, but that I stayed away, and that my desire to return isn't there. Oh don't get me wrong there are days I think, why did I quit? But those moments are always followed up by the memories of why I quit! His grace is a powerful tool!
I will never forget my mistakes, nor do I want to forget them. My mistakes are a part of my journey, a journey that I walked ran push pulled climbed and fought through. However, my mistakes are covered in grace. They are covered in the grace of our Heavenly Father, they are covered in the grace of my husband, my children, my family, my friends, and they are covered in the grace that I give myself. This afternoon as I sat in church listening to others speak about grace I leaned over to an amazing and dear friend and told her, "I believe in never wasting grace." I was given this grace for a purpose, I didn't deserve it I didn't earn it, but I have it. This grace has turned my mistakes from a point of shame to a point of purpose! As you read this don't dwell on our mistakes, don't make excuses for the crappy choices you made, but rather look at your mistakes and see that grace. Maybe your grace came from a judge, a court, a family member, a friend, a stranger, a spouse, a child, but tonight I want you to allow yourself to accept grace in its entirety. Have grace on yourself, allow grace to turn your mistakes that once brought shame to a point of purpose. Don't waste the grace you have been given!
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Laughter Is Medicine Humor Is Key
This weekend has been a bit of a farming challenge, we are having an excessive heat warning which means I have lost some of my best rabbits in spite of some serious measures put in place. I made the executive farmer decision the remaining rabbits would spend the weekend in their travel cages in my sons' bedroom. However, they were unappreciative of this life saving gesture and during their transfer used their razor blade like nails, on my arm, making me look like I'm in serious emotional distress, once again, and have taken up cutting. My hippy, animal loving, 9 year old felt sorry for the rabbits in small cages (as their normal outdoor cages are rather large) and put a rabbit on my couch to play with and it peed ALL OVER! Our chickens are on egg strike because of the weather yet they have no problem flying the coop (no pun intended) to still go into my garden to feast. The real kicker is we had our 1st and hopefully last major hay fire, the damage was minimal but it was a scary smoky mess for awhile. OH and let's not forget that the massive amounts of rain a couple of days before this heat has sent my goats into a bit of intestinal distress. They can now proudly boast, to their stall mates at the next goat show, that they shoot their liquid poop about 6 feet across the pen hitting everything and everyone in its path, including their herd queen, the hand that feeds them TWICE A DAY! As a result of this liquid messiness I decided it was time to deworm them all. My dodge ball skills were not in vain yesterday as I dodged liquid goat spray while administering oral dewormer. However, as if my farming adventures weren't enough, a goat jerked as I was plunging the medicine into her mouth planting 10cc of Ivomec square into my eye! For the love of all things medicinal that junk BURNS! I love my farm, I love my job, but sometimes it isn't for the faint of heart.
There are many choices we have in life, but I always try to laugh. I have always said if I lose my sense of humor, my ability to laugh, then I am done. In the darkest moments I knew if I could find something, one thing to find humor in, if I could laugh, even at my own lame sense of humor I was going to be okay. All I can do sometimes is tip my hat to the powers that be and have a good ol' belly laugh and move on. It appears that I have forgotten to laugh lately, I have taken my ventures into the conversion of Mormonism too seriously. I have taken my triathlon training too seriously (errr more like I have taken it too seriously that I am not taking it seriously enough). I have taken the busyness that is my life too seriously and I haven't stopped to just tip my hat and laugh at all that surrounds me. However, this weekend the reality that I am taking life way too seriously is weighing heavily on me and I need to stop trying to be something I'm not. I need to not be afraid to let others get to know me, the real me, the me that laughs her way through the crap (again no pun intended) in life. I have decided it is time to be me, not be something I am not. I give my all to everything and my all includes finding the humor in life. My all includes not apologizing for who I am and my all includes not taking life so serious! I need to let my hair down, so to speak, and be myself around those that are in my life. It is not my job to make people like me, but it is my job to allow them to get to know the real me, crazy lame humor and all. As I have opened my circle the last few months, I worried what will people think about me, rather than being okay with me.
Last night I opened my email and had a request from a new blog to publish a blog I wrote a couple of years ago. I agreed to let it be republished, however I wanted to edit it, so here is a revisited blog, edited, and written with a little bit more humor. Today, find something to laugh about. Find something within yourself, within your environment, within a book, tv, music, wherever, dare I say even at church (but probably not during sacrament I don't want to be held accountable for you laughing during sacrament!) Take a moment today to allow yourself a deep belly laugh. Humor can be found anywhere, regardless of your past, your labels, your addictions, your family life, your religion (I often think I will get in trouble from inappropriate laughter during church and one day I may but that's okay too see above do NOT laugh during sacrament!), your job situation, your triathlon training...you get my point...laughter truly is the best medicine. I am certain my goats were laughing at me last night and the misery they put my through, telling me take your own advice herd queen laughter is the best medicine!
I have every reason not to laugh, not to find humor in life. I am a bit of a savant when it comes to dates and today four years ago, I found myself being locked up, petitioned in, for many weeks. I could feel sorry for myself today, but I choose not to. I could sit here and think about my less than stellar childhood, the crappy choices I have made as adult, yet instead I choose to sit here and remember the days I laughed until I cried. I choose to look at my beautiful family and I choose to remember who I am. Today as you laugh, as you find humor in anything, I want you to remember who you are! You are more than a mental health label, you are more than an addiction, you are more than a struggle, a bad day, you are more than a spilled cup of coffee, and you are more than falling up the stairs. Today I choose to remember who I am, pooped on farmer and all!
I am a 38 year old stay at home mom of six incredible kids. I am the mom that waits with you at parent pick discussing the everyday happenings. I am the mom that volunteers at school functions, okay not many because I don't do the school scene very well. I am the mom that helps with her kids homework, school projects (science fair is a different story), and attends all of their events. I am the mom that you complimented today while in the store about how well behaved her children are, however you apparently missed the tantrum, moments before, from a four year old yelling, "I hate you all my life you aren't my mom I'm never huggling you again even at night even when I die you are an asshat!" I am the mom that sat across from you at parent teacher conferences and you told her how well adjusted, advanced, and fun her child is in your classroom, even when my son wrote on his beginning of the year paper that one of his favorite things to do is fart in class. I am the mom that sits next to you in the bleachers at baseball, in the gym for volleyball, I am the mom that is at cubscout meetings and is at every animal show, choir concert, and church function you can imagine. I am a wife that loves her husband unconditionally even when all I can do is look at him laugh and think FOOL you just lit my goat pen on fire! Although in his defense he was trying to help me clean out the pen (and he wants it known that only like 1/30 of my pen burned) Being that mom, that wife, wouldn't be possible without a bit of humor, because what can you do, laugh? cry? get mad?
I am a 38 year old educated woman. I totally did a mental high five last week at church when they were talking in relief society about the new education "commandment" DUDE this might be the only commandment I will master! I am the student that sat in your classroom earning two master's degrees before I was 28. I am the peer that helped you pass your classes in addition to doing my own work load. I am the teacher that taught your son/daughter in countless grades and multiple subjects. I am the softball coach that led your child's team to state finals. I am the teacher that you emailed or called anytime your child needed me regardless of it being school related or not. I am the administrator that advocated for your child and you as a parent working to come to a common ground. I am the administrator that came to your house to talk to your son/daughter because I truly cared about what was going on in their lives. I am the teacher that came home from personal vacations early to attend funerals, write letters of recommendations, to go with you to court, to sit in the waiting room with your while child was in surgery, and attend both yours and your son/daughter's college graduations. I am the special education advocate that did not view your child as a disability and fought countless hours for you and your child to have more than just a fair and appropriate education.
I am a 38 year old well rounded woman. I am the woman that stood next to you at the start of a 5k, 10k, half marathon, or triathlon. I am the woman that shouted cheers of encouragement as we passed each other or crossed the finish line together. I am the woman that you got in touch with to ask questions about gardening, animals, cooking, fitness, or nutrition. I am the woman that you asked to write a children's curriculum and devotional. I am the woman you sat next to at church, yes the one that has tattoos and piercings, could you see past that? I am the woman you asked to minister to others in need. I am the woman that you see at the gym, the library, the grocery store, the bank. I am the woman that you make small talk with just because I am there. I am the woman that stood in front of you and hundreds of others interpreting for the hearing impaired, because no else could do it. I am the woman that you shared that inside joke with because I have that ability to laugh!
I am a 38 year old woman that cares deeply about people. I am the woman that decided to be real, honest, and open about motherhood, being a wife, drug addiction, and having borderline personality disorder. I am the woman that opens not only my home and farm, but my heart and life to people I care about. I am the woman that you contact, even though I am a complete stranger, because you need to talk to someone that has been there and understands. I am the woman that you send messages to on facebook, to my phone, and via email because you just need to talk and don't know who else to turn to. I am the woman you call because you have a friend that is struggling and you don't know how to help. I am the woman that puts aside my own pride and fear to ease the pain and struggles of someone else. I am the woman that believes firmly everything has a purpose and a reason and I do my best to help you with your purpose and reason. I am the woman that believes that everything happens for a reason and to never waste the pain of my childhood or my adult life. I am the woman you turn to because you just need a good laugh and I am the woman that will never lose my ability to laugh.
I am a 38 year old woman that once was a cocaine, pill, and heroin addict. I am a woman that has been hospitalized as a result of drug overdoses, suicidal tendencies, raging, and self harm. I am a woman that often had inappropriate anger, wide mood swings, and feels things so intensely even I don't understand why. I am a 38 year old woman that has dug deep within myself to identify my triggers and to fight and push through them. I am a 38 year old woman that knows the importance of finding something to laugh about each day even in the darkest and crappiest (no pun intended) situations.
Hi I am Ryan a 38 year old woman that is so much more than a label. If I hadn't been open with you over the last five years you would not have ever known I had a label or was a drug addict. I am the face of labels and addiction. However, I am so much more, you are so much more! I no longer am tripping, but the struggle is real. It will always be real! I am real! Do not hide behind a fake smile some of this junk in life HURTS and SUCKS and to be honest is not on any level FAIR. However, find a reason in each day to smile! Remember who you are! You are different than me, this is who I am, but there is always a reason to laugh! Tip your hat today belly laugh, it's worth it I promise! Be you, laugh, (NOT during sacrament I will NOT be held accountable)
There are many choices we have in life, but I always try to laugh. I have always said if I lose my sense of humor, my ability to laugh, then I am done. In the darkest moments I knew if I could find something, one thing to find humor in, if I could laugh, even at my own lame sense of humor I was going to be okay. All I can do sometimes is tip my hat to the powers that be and have a good ol' belly laugh and move on. It appears that I have forgotten to laugh lately, I have taken my ventures into the conversion of Mormonism too seriously. I have taken my triathlon training too seriously (errr more like I have taken it too seriously that I am not taking it seriously enough). I have taken the busyness that is my life too seriously and I haven't stopped to just tip my hat and laugh at all that surrounds me. However, this weekend the reality that I am taking life way too seriously is weighing heavily on me and I need to stop trying to be something I'm not. I need to not be afraid to let others get to know me, the real me, the me that laughs her way through the crap (again no pun intended) in life. I have decided it is time to be me, not be something I am not. I give my all to everything and my all includes finding the humor in life. My all includes not apologizing for who I am and my all includes not taking life so serious! I need to let my hair down, so to speak, and be myself around those that are in my life. It is not my job to make people like me, but it is my job to allow them to get to know the real me, crazy lame humor and all. As I have opened my circle the last few months, I worried what will people think about me, rather than being okay with me.
Last night I opened my email and had a request from a new blog to publish a blog I wrote a couple of years ago. I agreed to let it be republished, however I wanted to edit it, so here is a revisited blog, edited, and written with a little bit more humor. Today, find something to laugh about. Find something within yourself, within your environment, within a book, tv, music, wherever, dare I say even at church (but probably not during sacrament I don't want to be held accountable for you laughing during sacrament!) Take a moment today to allow yourself a deep belly laugh. Humor can be found anywhere, regardless of your past, your labels, your addictions, your family life, your religion (I often think I will get in trouble from inappropriate laughter during church and one day I may but that's okay too see above do NOT laugh during sacrament!), your job situation, your triathlon training...you get my point...laughter truly is the best medicine. I am certain my goats were laughing at me last night and the misery they put my through, telling me take your own advice herd queen laughter is the best medicine!
I have every reason not to laugh, not to find humor in life. I am a bit of a savant when it comes to dates and today four years ago, I found myself being locked up, petitioned in, for many weeks. I could feel sorry for myself today, but I choose not to. I could sit here and think about my less than stellar childhood, the crappy choices I have made as adult, yet instead I choose to sit here and remember the days I laughed until I cried. I choose to look at my beautiful family and I choose to remember who I am. Today as you laugh, as you find humor in anything, I want you to remember who you are! You are more than a mental health label, you are more than an addiction, you are more than a struggle, a bad day, you are more than a spilled cup of coffee, and you are more than falling up the stairs. Today I choose to remember who I am, pooped on farmer and all!
I am a 38 year old stay at home mom of six incredible kids. I am the mom that waits with you at parent pick discussing the everyday happenings. I am the mom that volunteers at school functions, okay not many because I don't do the school scene very well. I am the mom that helps with her kids homework, school projects (science fair is a different story), and attends all of their events. I am the mom that you complimented today while in the store about how well behaved her children are, however you apparently missed the tantrum, moments before, from a four year old yelling, "I hate you all my life you aren't my mom I'm never huggling you again even at night even when I die you are an asshat!" I am the mom that sat across from you at parent teacher conferences and you told her how well adjusted, advanced, and fun her child is in your classroom, even when my son wrote on his beginning of the year paper that one of his favorite things to do is fart in class. I am the mom that sits next to you in the bleachers at baseball, in the gym for volleyball, I am the mom that is at cubscout meetings and is at every animal show, choir concert, and church function you can imagine. I am a wife that loves her husband unconditionally even when all I can do is look at him laugh and think FOOL you just lit my goat pen on fire! Although in his defense he was trying to help me clean out the pen (and he wants it known that only like 1/30 of my pen burned) Being that mom, that wife, wouldn't be possible without a bit of humor, because what can you do, laugh? cry? get mad?
I am a 38 year old educated woman. I totally did a mental high five last week at church when they were talking in relief society about the new education "commandment" DUDE this might be the only commandment I will master! I am the student that sat in your classroom earning two master's degrees before I was 28. I am the peer that helped you pass your classes in addition to doing my own work load. I am the teacher that taught your son/daughter in countless grades and multiple subjects. I am the softball coach that led your child's team to state finals. I am the teacher that you emailed or called anytime your child needed me regardless of it being school related or not. I am the administrator that advocated for your child and you as a parent working to come to a common ground. I am the administrator that came to your house to talk to your son/daughter because I truly cared about what was going on in their lives. I am the teacher that came home from personal vacations early to attend funerals, write letters of recommendations, to go with you to court, to sit in the waiting room with your while child was in surgery, and attend both yours and your son/daughter's college graduations. I am the special education advocate that did not view your child as a disability and fought countless hours for you and your child to have more than just a fair and appropriate education.
I am a 38 year old well rounded woman. I am the woman that stood next to you at the start of a 5k, 10k, half marathon, or triathlon. I am the woman that shouted cheers of encouragement as we passed each other or crossed the finish line together. I am the woman that you got in touch with to ask questions about gardening, animals, cooking, fitness, or nutrition. I am the woman that you asked to write a children's curriculum and devotional. I am the woman you sat next to at church, yes the one that has tattoos and piercings, could you see past that? I am the woman you asked to minister to others in need. I am the woman that you see at the gym, the library, the grocery store, the bank. I am the woman that you make small talk with just because I am there. I am the woman that stood in front of you and hundreds of others interpreting for the hearing impaired, because no else could do it. I am the woman that you shared that inside joke with because I have that ability to laugh!
I am a 38 year old woman that cares deeply about people. I am the woman that decided to be real, honest, and open about motherhood, being a wife, drug addiction, and having borderline personality disorder. I am the woman that opens not only my home and farm, but my heart and life to people I care about. I am the woman that you contact, even though I am a complete stranger, because you need to talk to someone that has been there and understands. I am the woman that you send messages to on facebook, to my phone, and via email because you just need to talk and don't know who else to turn to. I am the woman you call because you have a friend that is struggling and you don't know how to help. I am the woman that puts aside my own pride and fear to ease the pain and struggles of someone else. I am the woman that believes firmly everything has a purpose and a reason and I do my best to help you with your purpose and reason. I am the woman that believes that everything happens for a reason and to never waste the pain of my childhood or my adult life. I am the woman you turn to because you just need a good laugh and I am the woman that will never lose my ability to laugh.
I am a 38 year old woman that once was a cocaine, pill, and heroin addict. I am a woman that has been hospitalized as a result of drug overdoses, suicidal tendencies, raging, and self harm. I am a woman that often had inappropriate anger, wide mood swings, and feels things so intensely even I don't understand why. I am a 38 year old woman that has dug deep within myself to identify my triggers and to fight and push through them. I am a 38 year old woman that knows the importance of finding something to laugh about each day even in the darkest and crappiest (no pun intended) situations.
Hi I am Ryan a 38 year old woman that is so much more than a label. If I hadn't been open with you over the last five years you would not have ever known I had a label or was a drug addict. I am the face of labels and addiction. However, I am so much more, you are so much more! I no longer am tripping, but the struggle is real. It will always be real! I am real! Do not hide behind a fake smile some of this junk in life HURTS and SUCKS and to be honest is not on any level FAIR. However, find a reason in each day to smile! Remember who you are! You are different than me, this is who I am, but there is always a reason to laugh! Tip your hat today belly laugh, it's worth it I promise! Be you, laugh, (NOT during sacrament I will NOT be held accountable)
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